“Oh baby, you feel so big.” Oh, the number of times I heard this from my wife Bunni over our years of lovemaking. It was sweet and affirming and made me feel loved, even though I knew it wasn’t even close to true. Although she genuinely meant it, she had no frame of reference to make such a statement. We met and married young and on our wedding night, we were each other’s first and only lovers. For almost all of our marriage, Bunni had never watched porn or played with a dildo either. I on the other hand had watched more than enough porn to understand what a big dick actually looked like and measured myself enough to find where I fit in on the spectrum. So in those moments of well-intentioned but ultimately misguided dick praise from my wife, my brain automatically transliterated her phrasing to, “Oh baby, you feel so good.” I knew that’s what she meant to say and as much as I loved that, I always wanted more for her.
Does size really matter? It depends on who you ask. Some say that the male ego tends to obsess more over penis size and yet the countless accounts from women that refuse to settle for less are compelling. I use Spring 2013 as a frame of reference for first discovering cuckolding and ever since that time, I knew that there was so much more than me that Bunni could experience. My curiosity was piqued: would she be one of those for whom it would make a neutral or even negative difference or was there an entire new plane of her pleasure that was waiting to be experienced?
Her “Guy Friend”
Bunni and I are in a brand-new cuckold marriage, where she is encouraged to discover and explore her deepest sexual desires and my limits are always respected and yet lovingly challenged. The most significant of those gentle growth opportunities for me has been my wife discovering that her needs as a cuckoldress include more than just sex. The emotional aspect of cuckolding is an emphasis in both of our lifestyle fantasies and yet, until her search for the right guy comes to fruition, we are left to explore the purely physical with the use of a relatively new toy: her dildo.
Just a few months ago, Bunni playing with another guy was not even a question for us but I had suggested the idea of a dildo several times over the years. She was always apprehensive, especially about the realistic ones, because to her it felt too much like bringing another person into our sex life (we both look back on that and laugh now). Two years ago, unrelated to those discussions, I bought myself a big, realistic dildo when I started to discover my bisexual side. When she found it one morning while I was at work and rightfully freaked out, I took the rest of the day off to talk. That season was the catalyst for us going to couple’s therapy and the origin story behind the toy that we so love playing with now.
When our lifestyle discussions began and I knew that we were a much different couple than we were back then, I dug the dildo back out of storage. She was surprised that I still had it and, unsure of how to read her reaction, I offered to throw it away right then. After all, I felt like it had a lot of negative history and energy behind it. Instead she said “Maybe don’t…” and ended up being very glad that she did. The toy that was once the center of some of our most strange and difficult months as a couple found redemption as a favorite piece in the most exciting time of our sex life. It became her “guy friend” that would end up helping her discover those new levels of untapped pleasure as well as new ways to relate to me, her husband.
The very night that we had our first serious discussion about cuckolding, she wanted to play with it. I will never forget that evening. It was not just immensely hot but the answer to a years-long question of how Bunni’s pussy would respond to a larger cock and I received my answer loud and clear. Adorably, she was doubtful it was much larger than I as she insisted she had always seen me that way. It was only after I insisted that she hold it up and compare to me that it sunk in. She had me lay down next to her and slowly tease, rub, tap and slide, building the anticipation to levels ready to burst. Then, the moment of truth. The ecstasy was undeniably written in her face and my wife became more vocal in bed than I had ever heard. How good it felt. How big it was. How much it was stretching and filling her up. She turned and asked me how it felt to be on the outside watching her get fucked and between fixating on the shaft sliding in and out of her and the enraptured look on her face, I couldn’t express to her enough how in love with the moment I was. After her orgasm had screamed in my ear and she let me in next, we bantered about how loose she felt and I didn’t make it much longer.
That was the beginning of a significant and exciting shift in our sex life. Suddenly, my wife found something she loved in bed and felt completely free to ask for. It didn’t matter if I was in the middle of doing her – if she wanted it, she’d ask me to stop and go get it. She started asking for it every single time and I felt myself looking forward to her preferring it over me just as much as she looked forward to it sliding in for that first time. Reality rapidly set in: bigger was better for Bunni. She explained to me that the deep, full feeling sent sensations throughout her entire body that she had never felt with me and that it really did feel better. Best of all, she didn’t hesitate or apologize for it. Her frankness dared me to fall into deeper states of arousal and it worked. She was discovering her pleasure and speaking her truth as an emerging hotwife and it made me melt.
Talk Tiny To Me
Bunni and I never used to talk dirty in bed. Maybe it’s because we had nothing dirty to talk about. However, after opening up discussion about cuckolding and exploring a bigger dick, something happened in our bedroom: teasing, filthy and occasionally downright mean words started to spill out of my sweet wife’s mouth like it was nothing. I never could have asked for the natural ways in which her gentle humiliation flowed out of her lips and into my ears. I have always craved small penis humiliation from my Love. I can’t explain why I enjoy it so much except to say that it makes me feel warm, accepted, loved, goaded, teased and aroused when I receive it. Being that Bunni had always been hesitant to step into a dominant role, I thought that I’d have to ask her for what I want and help guide her how to most excite me. I didn’t even have time to ask. Bunni started giving it to me all on her own and it was better than I could have ever requested because it was completely natural.
I often journal memorable sexual experiences between Bunni and I because I don’t want to forget them. I especially make a point to write down specific things that she says to me. What I love most about her words is that although they are simple and completely free, each one feels like a gift that I cherish and never want to let go. These days I find myself reminiscing on our encounters more often than watching porn. It could be something as simple as when she said “That was the best I’ve ever been fucked” or “You’ve never made me feel like that” after a session with her dildo. I long for the moments during sex when she told me to stop trying to last and just cum so she could play with her dildo, or how I felt like just a little tickle in her pussy, or that one night when she said that for some reason she couldn’t really feel me at all. My gentle wife’s creativity stunned me when she said “You’re just the warm-up for me, baby. Will you warm my pussy up for him?” and hearing “You’re not allowed in my pussy tonight. It only wants big dick” was downright thrilling. Still, for me nothing beats the pillow-talk after we are both spent. The “scene” is over and as we snuggle next to each other, fingers running over skin, we both start to come back to reality.
It is that moment of authenticity that sends me into the stratosphere, when she looks me lovingly in the eyes and says that she was missing out on so much. In me not being able to give her that deep, full feeling that sends waves of sensation through her whole body, I’m not enough for her. She needs more. Not only that, she loves that she wants more than me, she likes hearing those words come from her mouth and she adores that they make her husband fall deeper in love with her. At first, I assumed that Bunni was embellishing, even slightly, for the sake of my excitement but not so. One night, in a moment of complete honestly, Bunni said that she had never embellished anything she said to me: “I just say what’s true.” She really did feel bored that one time and almost reached for her phone. In comparison to what she had felt, I really did feel less.
There’s something about the authenticity of her comments that turns up the heat for me and perhaps helped me get to the root of why I enjoy teasing and even humiliation in a loving context: it can be a safe and pleasurable way to explore our shortcomings, vulnerabilities and insecurities, and be accepted for them. Porn is great but as with other topics like chastity and cuckolding, the experience pales in comparison to being in bed with the one you love. When Bunni teases me, she does it with love because she knows what reaction it’s going to get. When I’m teased by her, I experience greater feelings of intimacy and admiration for her, but I also celebrate her speaking her truth. It doesn’t matter that I have a smaller penis; it still provides pleasure to us both in a unique way.
I Measure Up Just Fine
I’ve never actually felt insecure about my size. For most of my marriage that was probably because I didn’t have the occasion: after all, Bunni didn’t watch porn or play with toys and so was fully satisfied if not mistakenly impressed with me. Over the many strictly vanilla years, we figured out what worked for us in bed. We both get the best of both worlds in that while we can and do still enjoy vanilla sex that is fulfilling for us both, she gets to explore sex that feels even better than me and brings excitement to us both as well.
Exploring cuckolding has helped me appreciate my penis size even more though. I genuinely love my penis the way it is and often feel that if I had the option to make it bigger, I really wouldn’t. I feel like it matches my sexual personality and enhances the enjoyment of our play. If I was bigger, I feel that small penis humiliation or being compared to her dildo or eventual boyfriend wouldn’t be as enjoyable. I love when she calls it cute. I enjoy being teased. I like feeling that Bunni and I share a little secret about me together. I’d have it no other way.
These nights, when Bunni tells me that I feel so good while we’re fucking, I really do believe her. I know that she’s being honest because now she does have some frame of reference. I’m perfectly happy with me feeling good and bigger feeling better because we both love it that way.